From what I wrote yesterday, you might have sensed my anxiety also comes out as paranoia. That’s also why, when I’m feeling low, I feel so lonely.
I feel like I want to hide, I feel ashamed of myself, body and soul. I feel like my skin is transparent and people can see all the feelings inside of me, but I also feel like I’m invisible and people can see neither my body nor my feelings.
I feel like I need to talk, but I don’t want to bother anybody with my bullshit. I feel like I need somebody to stay close to me, but I don’t want to steal their precious time. I feel like I’m a burden and people don’t like me.
I feel like I’m burden even to my boyfriend, and I feel even he doesn’t like me.
That’s why I don’t talk. I just open my blog and write.
I had a nice day overall anyway. This morning I went to buy incense and spent about half an hour talking to the three nice ladies running the shop. They asked me about my life and told me all kind of story.
Tonight I went to yoga class, and received a warm hug from my teacher after I told her I’m leaving, and hugs are always good. Then I went to the Indian restaurant (for the fourth or fifth time this week) and my new Indian friend hugged me to say goodbye too and, as I said, hugs are always good.
Today I made Indian Chai following my Indian friend’s instructions, and it came out much better than expected! Success!
What made you happy today?