A friend of mine was telling me yesterday that after a period of panic attacks, she ended up being sort of apathetic, indifferent to any emotion, be it positive or negative. She doesn’t have any sudden breakdown anymore, but she has to struggle to feel the joy of her relationship with her boyfriend and her love for him. Today I ran into this TEDTalk again and it made me think of her.
My boyfriend showed me this a couple of months ago, and we started arguing about the sentence “If you can’t measure it, it doesn’t exist”, after the first seconds of the video. I always end up getting angry when somebody disagrees with me (this is explained through vulnerabilty in the video, too), but man, our arguments are interesting!
Anyway, watching this talk again today, I feel that I understood it better. I saw more of myself in it than I did last time. It made me realize I’ve worked a lot on myself and I really am in a different place than before. Probably I could see more of myself in it exactly because I’m accepting my vulnerability more – it’s a long way, and I’m still far from the end, judging from the fight with my boyfriend I created one hour ago out of completely nothing. But let’s focus on the fact that I’m in a different place than before.
I’ve tried it, and I confirm it’s true: we can’t numb the “bad” emotions without numbing the good ones, too. Vunerability is the source of pain, sadness and disappointment, but it’s also the source of joy, excitement and happiness. If you want to give yourself even just a chance to be happy, you’ve got to be vulnerable.
शान्ति – Shanti! Peace!