Mental health

This Year.

The end of the year is drawing closer and many people are summarizing this year’s posts and pictures, but I’ve only just opened my blog less than one month ago. Still, I’m very happy to already have some followers to thank for reading and commenting my posts! Thank you, guys, I hope you’ll stick with me through 2015 too!

I have to say, opening this blog changed my life. I know it might sound like an overstatement, but it really did. It means I finally found the courage to concretely pursue my dream of writing, and not just in my journal. Every single day of my life has a new meaning now. I’m doing something I really care about. Among the things I’m daily working on, there aren’t only the things I’m supposed to do – studying, taking exams, graduating, etc.; now there is also what I must do for myself: writing. Everything makes much more sense.

This year has been very hard, with the panic attacks coming back stronger than ever, even making believe of being too depressed to live. I don’t want to focus on how much I suffered, though; I want to focus on how much I’ve learnt. I learnt I can get through it, ’cause I’m actually doing it. I learnt I don’t always need to rely on other people, ’cause I can find light inside myself. I learnt asking other people for help when you need it is ok. I learnt I’m incredibly strong, ’cause I cried, I spent days in my bed, I looked at sharp objects for hours trying to understand what was scaring me about them, but I also made yoga, asked my friends to carry me out of the house, I learnt to eat at the table with fork and knife again without panicking. I took flights to Brazil and then back to Italy totally alone, at the peak of my panic attacks. I called my friends from the airport crying, fearing I might hurt myself, afraid of myself. But I got on the plane. I learnt to stay alone with myself again.

Now I know what happens if I don’t take care of myself physically and mentally, and I guess “taking care of myself” will go in every “New Year’s resolutions” list.

I’ve been working on my New Year’s resolutions lately, btw. I want it to be an awesome list, so I’m taking my time. I ran into a very motivating page some days ago and it was very motivating to me. It might not apply perfectly to every single person, but I still find it inspiring and motivating.

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