Today I feel like running and screaming. It’s been two weeks since I removed my wisdom tooth and a terrible pulsing pain is still torturing the left side of my face. It gets weaker when I rest, but it comes back as soon as I move, making me feel as if somebody were removing my tooth with no anesthesia. I can’t even focus on anything with this pain, so if I can’t move and I can’t focus, I can do… nothing. I’m filled up with boredom and frustration.
At this point I might either try to meditate and calm down before writing this post, or use this post to give way to my repressed energy. Let’s see together what comes next. Are you really wondering?
I want to focus my negative energy on my English Linguistics professor. I admire her career and the projects she has carried on until now, even though she can be kind of messy in her explanations (she usually gets caught up by something she is talking about and forgets the thread of her speech, but I actually find it interesting and sweet). She is always available for further explanations if a student didn’t understand something of her classes.
But why did she just ignored my email when I found it nice to share with her a very interesting Linguistics-related video? Is the input from a student not worth listening to? I know, I know, I could just assume she simply didn’t notice my email among many others. But not today. Plus, it seems to me too weird a coincidence that she would miss this email when she has always answered every question I have ever sent her. Why can’t there be an interesting debate between a professor and a student as two thinking and equal human beings? Why does the professor always stand one step above the student in Italy? I say in Italy, because I sent the same email to a professor at the Federal University of Rio de Janeiro and she kindly answered me the next day.
Now, my lack of motivation in concluding my university path is certainly related to myself and my issues. But do you think this kind of episodes can help a student? Why should I go on struggling to get a certification from an institution to whom I’m nothing? Why should I die to see the day these people will judge me and tell me what I’m worth through a mere number, when they are not at all concerned with my opinion of them as professors? I have my own issues to take care of, my own life to start, a thousand things I’m putting off, places I long to see… what am I still doing here?
I’m not even going to think about the answers now. I don’t find them worthy today. I’ll just leave my questions hanging and my irritation floating. Feel free to join my scream. Anger, irritation, sadness, pain, boredom, exasperation, whatever you are feeling… Let’s just shout it out all together!