Mental health

Whatever.

Yes, whatever. I want to write, I have to start somewhere. Well, this is the place.

I kept on putting this off: I don’t know what to write about; I won’t be able to write constantly enough; I’m not going to write well enough; I’m not creative enough.

I’m not used to being rejected. I only do things when I’m 100% sure I will succeed. Very simple. Since I was a kid, my dad has been asking me “Why did you got 9/10 and not 10/10? What were you missing to be the best, and not just one of the best?” and I spent the rest of my life asking myself these questions instead of just doing what I wanted to do. I have become a perfectionist, only now I am learning that with perfectionism I won’t go anywhere far from where I am now: asking myself how to be better, not doing anything to improve.

It took years and a very smart boyfriend to realize this. Later, after solving bigger issues of my life – such as panic attacks – I found out I was very disappointed with myself. It’s true, until now I have succeeded in most of the things I have done in my life. But again, only because I only did what I was sure would come out perfectly right.

About one hour ago I was standing in the kitchen while my boyfriend heated some food up. We were talking of his job ambitions. I admire him a lot because he is really getting somewhere, and that’s because he never settles. But that’s not easy. He works on that. Easy would be to stay where he is. Then he told me: “You know, I think in writing the only way to succeed is to be rejected a thousand times. Try, try and try again.”. And the truth is I know he is right. I answered that the problem is that I don’t know how to fail, I don’t know how to try a project that is not perfect. I have never done that. And here comes the wisdom: the sooner you start failing, the sooner you learn how to fail, the sooner you will get a chance of succeeding.

So here it is. This is my start.

Since we agreed it doesn’t have to be perfect, I’m not even going to check it before publishing and I’ll run to get some ice. I had a wisdom tooth removed two days ago and the pain is just starting to kill me now.

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8 thoughts on “Whatever.

  1. I am so incredibly jealous of how well you write without editing it’s unreal.

    I actually relate to this post so much and I am also blessed with a twinge of laziness on top of my need for perfection so I pretty much get nothing done.

    good luck to both of us for blogging101 πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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